So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
