never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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