I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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