Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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