I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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