drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
