I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
