im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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