This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
