my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
