I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
