I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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