chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You were trust falling into bushes
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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