my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
