Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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