i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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