i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
