Buhtt sex?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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