Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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