so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
