What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
