The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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