i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
