Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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