Don't make out with my wife yet
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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