Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
