He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
