Where did you get a picture of my penis
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
