dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
