everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
