barbara walters just said penis...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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