you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
