so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
