Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
