awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
