You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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