it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
