I have demons in me.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
