im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
