Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
