if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
