Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
