dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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