Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
