this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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