You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
