so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
