Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Be still, my beating vagina.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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