Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
COCAINE IS GR8
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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