??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
