On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
