My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
