I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Is Oprah even human
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
