he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
