508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
