He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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