I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
