you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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