I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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