it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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