so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
