KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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