Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
