she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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