my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
