College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize
