I cannot find my penis.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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