"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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