the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
